#Kitchen fitters who won t fit kitchens? I do hate Can t Do Britain

Funny, outrageous and downright rude. Who’s in Liz Jones’ firing line this week?

Un-handy man: Liz Jones has had trouble finding help for a kitchen re-fit

How I hate people who turn taps off so tight I get a hernia trying to turn them on (if you want to save water, stop having children!).

I also hate women who manage to freeze the blood in your veins.

I was having a drink last night in the Costes Bar in Paris, when my fashion editor companion said sweetly: ‘I hate it when all those women at the Guardian write mean things about you. I’m always defending you.’

My self-esteem seeped from the peep-toes of my Louboutins.

But most of all, I hate ordering a new kitchen (I’m renovating my house in order to sell it).

I telephoned a firm in Suffolk. ‘Can you post me a brochure, and perhaps come and make a plan of my kitchen and utility room?’ I asked politely.

‘Do you have any idea of our prices?’ the woman asked me.

‘Well, are they in the brochure?’

‘No.’

‘O-kaaay. Can you give me any idea?’

‘Well, it depends on the size of the room. You will need to send us architect’s drawings. We don’t remove an existing kitchen, you will have to do that. We don’t do wiring or any plumbing work.’

‘Do you do floors?’

‘No, we don’t do floors.’